Thursday, April 23, 2009

When is it time to let go?

I had to ask myself that question "when is it time to let go?" yesterday. The hardest question and not one we like to ask. Having a animal's life in your hands and having to make that decition is one of the hardest things to do. I think it is different for some people but it is different when he is in a adoption program and you start asking yourself questions. Why couldn't he just finish is life in a good home, why so young, why the good ones, did I do enough, was I giving him the love and attention he needed before we went.
I know that some of you will never understand this completely and I'm not sure I understand to the fullest extent. We do a adoption program at work for cats found on the streets through the animal control in the town I live. I love this program. The reason I love my job. We can't adopt ones that have FIV/FeLeuk or that are feral (going to rip our faces off). Obviously we try to do what we can for all cats but it doesn't end in the greatest of situations all of the time. I have had over 400 cats just since I have started working there. I do not remember all of them but the saying "they leave pawprints on your heart" is true for some. Recently I have had a cat "Norman" who walked into my life. From the moment he came to us I knew instently his name was going to be Norman. He was like no cat I have ever met. Love of life, toys, catnip, brushing, tummy rubs, cats, didn't even mind dogs, and loved attention most of all. He was special in so many ways and even I wish I had more time to experience that. People loved him and made everyone smile. When a couple of home chances did not work out due to unknown allergies and crazy dogs things started popping up unexpected. He changed. Spiked temps, lethargic, not himself and after spending every day with him for several months I noticed this early. He was sick and the end results were hard to bare. He had lost 4 pounds in less then 2 weeks and we were force feeding just to keep him eating. Blood results came back as poss cancer and nothing we could do. Now I do not want to dwell on the end but the last moments were hard but meaningful. Was it his time? Yes I believe so because in that time I saw the signs of him just letting go and wanting to go, I just wasn't letting him. He was so calm. Just wanting to be loved on, brushed and soaking up the afternoon sun in his bed he just sat there and looked at me as if to say "It's okay to let me go, I'm ready and I need to." So I did. So I try to think of the lesson I need to learn from this. I'm still learning. Don't love to little or give not enough. Don't take time for granted and there is a time, we just have to be willing to let go. We have a saying at work "that it's the quality of life not the quanity". He didn't live as long as he should have but he touched lives in what little time he had. He was special in more ways then imagined and will be greatly missed. Maybe someone will learn something from this. I do not know. From Normans point of view. Live life to the fullest, touch as many lives as you can, be happy and don't be afraid to go when it is time.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Just Me

So yes I'm new to this blogging thing. Ok not really. I use to have one on my MSN messenger. Remember those I blogged alot on that. So here I go agian. I can't say that I will have anything interesting to say for I don't find myself to be a interesting person but I'm going to give to a try. I'm going to start with the here and now and we'll worry about the past later or whenever I see fit to throw it in. I'm married to a wonderful man named Ed. He is a full time EMT and currently a Sgt. in the Army reserves. Through both of these we have had trials and journeys both which I believe the Lord has bigger plans and different ones than we have in mind. I work full time in a Animal hospital which I have been at for about 4 years. Also a journey , a trying one sometimes but a journey and my job which I enjoy. I'm currently being trained in several different positions in the hospital from the kennal position I was in for 3 years. Changes and I believe good ones but of course the training can be challenging. We have 3 furry children that I'm sure I'll be blogging about more then anything due to no human children (which is a safe and better thing :). I have Austin my bay, ex-racer throughbred. I have had him for 7 years and he is now 16. Taffey, my beagle/lab mix. I adopted her 3 years ago this May. She was a abuse case and hit by a car. Both have resulted in fear of men and several pins in her left rear leg. The fear of men, getting better with time but it makes me wonder what she went through and how someone can do that to a animal. Warwick is my very handsome white with blue eyes, completly deaf, old cat. Also adopted through a program we have at SSAH (south suburban animal hospital). The animal control officer brings cats to the clinic that are roaming the streets and if they are healthly (and not claimed by the owner) we adopt them out. Warwick came to us very sick and starving to death. Of course I nursed him and he lived but always having vomiting issues. Due to the vomiting and being older nobody wanted him. Due to seeing him everyday for 6 months I took him home Aug 2008. Thinking I was taking a dying cat home I figured I would give him a good home to live out his days. I took him in for his Feb check up and he has a clean bill of health (as far as the not dying part) but he keeps me on my toes with little health things here and there. So that is my little family and I guess the start of this blogging.